My wife thinks I’m the smartest man she has ever known. Meanwhile, I’m slapping my own head going, “This baby can fit so many Wikipedia articles in it.”

Get a government job. You’ll hear more acronyms in 2 hours than you’ve heard in the last year.

Intraosseous insemination

If engine size is inversely proportionate to penis length, what does that say about cyclists?

Talk about cocky.

Duck be on the ark tonight?

Aw man, I loved their last album. I never realized they released another. I was listening to The Scholars by Car Seat Headrest for a good portion of last year.

Sometimes you Ea-Nasir, and sometimes you’re the purchaser who received a substandard shipment of copper.

I hear it tastes pretty good, too.

And fuck the movie The Fan starring Wesley Snipes. Demolition Man’s the only Snipes movie I like.

-Jon “MC Vagina” Lajoie

Your genetic data, your husband’s genetic data, and your future kids’ genetic data. They’re playing the long con on that one.