The hilarious irony is that if we did this, Quebec would have to change all their “Arrêt” signs to “Stop” to comply with EU signage standards

Totally true, but I’m talking an order of magnitude or two difference…

A query returning ~100 jira tickets would take about 250-300ms on our old beater running Postgres on busted old SAS drives shared with a bunch of other crap. Seek times were atrocious but not catastrophic. It usually didn’t timeout, and only crashed once in a while.

Sunning the same search on jira cloud now takes 2-3 seconds, often even more because the page first has to load 20 MB of JavaScript bullshit. Time from clicking a link to seeing information is so long you’ve got enough time to take a sip and put the coffee down.

Like I get it, distributed systems are hard. And having a multi tenant system as big as they run is probably crazy complicated. But come on, there’s no excuse for that level of consistently bad performance!!

I spent weeks moving a company’s decades-long history from on-prem to their cloud after they EOL’d their self hosted products. What a letdown. Somehow a multibillion dollar company can’t compete with an ancient quad core server shoved in a coat closet when it comes to page load times.

The constant upselling for their shite AI products drives me crazy. And the worst part is the elements are dynamic and uBlock can’t consistently kill it. Ugh.

Fair enough but what choice do we have? We keep the status quo with the country we know wants to invade us, or we partner with one on the other side of the planet without the means do perform an amphibious landing at Vancouver.