Redjard

try {
    anal();
} catch (HIV) {
    loop {
        sleep(1000000000);
        if HIV.has_cure {break}
    }
}

I was already in the middle of posting this to !dontyouknowwhoiam@lemmy.world before seeing the remainder of your post :)

How would you get it past the buttplug?

Most lenses only care about the angular light distribution, essentially averaging over the lens surface. So a ding or crack would just add a tiny portion of grey or black to the entire image

Edit: This is for cracking the front protective glass of a camera lens. If an actual optical lens splits in two it will be misaligned and bad things will happen.